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We've all read them and used them, in the search for the perfect house. My dad
and sister have sold real estate and I once had a license. Crafting an ad is a
challenge to promote the best features of a home. After reviewing thousands of
newspaper ads, I think I'm qualified to decipher the words and phrases that are
most used. Here they are:
Quaint: Really old without being historic
Picturesque: Hard to look at
Cozy: Small
Under Appraisal; Originally overpriced
Remodeled: Repainted
Close to Shopping: there's a 7/11 on the corner
Owner Must Sell: Duh!
Gourmet Kitchen: Has a sink and oven
View Lot: View of the lot next door
Extra Security: Front door has a lock and key
Fixer Upper: Ready for Demolition
Family Neighborhood: Lots of screaming kids and barking dogs
Privacy: Overgrown bushes
Executive Home: Includes bathrooms and bedrooms
Three-Car Garage: If one of them is a motorcycle
Dream House: Because 'Nightmare House' would scare you away
Custom Cabinets: Handpainted by the previous owner
Upgraded Flooring: New area rugs from Walmart
Highly Desirable: The owner desires to get out
Model Home: If you happen to be Twiggy
Well-Maintained: They occasionally mowed the lawn
Working Fireplace: You can still smell the smoke in the living room
Water View: When the sprinkler is on
Needs TLC: It was totaled in a fire
Just Reduced: It was totaled in a fire
Ideal Location: If you like living near a toxic waste dump
Large Lot: Makes up for the itsy, bitsy house
Original Owner: The house is older than the Bible
Priced to Sell: (refer back to 'Owner Must Sell' above)
For Sale by Owner: Too cheap to pay a Realtor
Perfect for You: Are they really psychic?
If you're a real estate agent and I have offended you by any of these terms, get a
life. However, if you are in the market for a home, I happen to have a beautiful,
inviting, open floor plan, 3 bedroom beauty...
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